This House Is Not A Home
by WhimsicalScribe
Summary: This one's a song-fic...Sirius's POV...his thoughts when he goes back 'home', his own personal hell.


_**So i was just listening to 'Home' by Three Days Grace and reading Order of the Phoenix and then it struck me...**_**Perfect song for Sirius! **_**So here it is...**_

'Bye, Padfoot! We'll see you after a few weeks!' James called after me.

I tried to smile at my best mates, Remus, Peter and James, but it came out more like a grimace. I completely despised summer holidays.

**I'll be coming home****  
><strong>**Just to be alone**

No one would even acknowledge my presence. I was treated as someone would a stray dog. The corners of my mouth lifted in a mirthless smile.

'**Cause I know that you're not there****  
><strong>**And I know that you don't care**

Going back to that hell-hole…the Noble House of Black….I shuddered.

**I can hardly wait to leave this place**

I remembered the time I told my parents that I was sorted into Gryffindor….

'_What did you say?', Orion Black thundered._

_I hunched my shoulders_, _trying to block out what he was yelling at me._

'_Gryffindor?' he spat. 'You scum, how dare you? You have dishonored us! You bloody vermin! Filthy blood-traitor!'_

_He lifted my up by the scruff of my neck and threw me across the room. Pain shot through my back as I collided with the wall._

**No matter how hard I try****  
><strong>**You're never satisfied****  
><strong>**This is not a home****  
><strong>**I think I'm better off alone**

'_B-but Father-' I stammered as my vision started blurring._

' Do not _call me that!' he bellowed. 'Never have I faced such shame! You do not belong here! Gryffindor indeed!' He strode out of the room slamming the door so hard the chandelier shook._

**You always disappear****  
><strong>**Even when you're here****  
><strong>**This is not my home****  
><strong>**I think I'm better off alone****  
><strong>**Home, home, this house is not a****  
><strong>**Home, home, this house is not a home.**

_My mother stood._

'_Sirius.'_

_Her voice shook with emotion. _At least someone cared. She was my mother, she would tell Father to forgive me.

_All my hopes were crushed when I looked at her face. Her nostrils were flared, her hands clenched at her sides, her eyes glowing with rage._

'_Mother.' I whispered. 'Mother, please.'_

'No. _I am not your mother. You are no son of mine.' She shrieked._

_Her words cut through me like a rusty knife. Slowly, agonizingly._

**By the time you come home****  
><strong>**I'm already stoned****  
><strong>**You turn off the TV****  
><strong>**And you scream at me****  
><strong>**I can hardly wait****  
><strong>**Till you get off my case**

'_You were sorted into that house filled with filth, those Mudbloods, those half-breed mutants…..'_

_Anger flared up in my chest. Those were my mates she was talking about. They had been nice to me when everyone wasn't. I felt a strong urge to defend them._

'They are not filth!' _I screamed_. 'Those are good people. They are not cold and cruel like you! They don't-'

'What did you say, boy?' _My father was back. He whipped out his wand._

'CRUCIO!'

_Red-hot pain seared through me. Its tentacles wrapping around my lungs, squeezing and driving the air out. I screamed. I screamed till I was blinded by tears and my throat was as dry as sandpaper. The pain didn't cease and, after some time, a throbbing darkness engulfed me._

I shook my head trying to dislodge the memory from my mind. I was standing in front of the black door. The eyes of the serpent shaped knocker seemed to be glowering at me as if to say- _You do not belong. Go back to the foul place you came from._

**No matter how hard I try****  
><strong>**You're never satisfied****  
><strong>**This is not a home****  
><strong>**I think I'm better off alone**

I rang the bell, the sound echoing through the house.

The door opened slowly. I stepped in, my heart filled with dread. I heard Kreacher muttering to himself. I could hear the others in the living room, celebrating. Regulus had announced his preferred profession.

'I was thinking of joining the Dark Lord. Being a Death-Eater...', I heard his voice say.

I shook my head in anger and disgust.

_How can they be so cold? So heartless? Oh that's right. None of them have a heart._

I dragged my feet up to my room and collapsed on the dusty bed. I curled up into a ball, wishing for unconsciousness to swallow me and free me from this castigation for a few hours.

**You always disappear****  
><strong>**Even when you're here**

Just two months, then I'll be back in Hogwarts...Just two months...

**This is not my home****  
><strong>**I think I'm better off alone**

**Home, home, this house is not a****  
><strong>**Home, home, this house is not a**

**Home, home, this house is not a**

**Home, home, this house is not a home**

My eyes snapped open. Kreacher was talking to me...or rather himself.

'Oh my poor mistress. What she is going through. If Kreacher could, he would throw Master out himself. But, alas, Kreacher cannot.'

'Who are you to throw me out?' I yelled at him.

'Master should not shout. The others will be disturbed.'

'I don't care a damn if they are disturbed! I hate this place! I'm leaving!'

I threw myself off the bed and pushed him out the door. I turned back and lugged my trunk downstairs.

_The Potters' won't mind me coming so soon...I hope._

**I'm better off alone**

I stepped out of my house and shivered against the cold gale.

_I'm never coming back here._

As I walked away from that...place, I could still here them cheering and talking...totally unperturbed and unconcerned about my leave.

**Home, home, this house is not a**

**Home, home, this house is not a**

**Home, home, this house is not a****  
><strong>**Home, home, this house is not a home…**


End file.
